When you thought everything is fine

F**k! I made a mistake! I screwed up this time. I shouldn’t have done that. I was so stupid doing it.

Words of regret follow after when you thought everything is full of bliss, but then turned to be another unfortunate event. I made another mistake this time, which I say, indeed a real act of stupidity. Everything between us was so peaceful and full of love, when I made something that turned this happiness into something lurid. “I shouldn’t have done that…” my very words of regret after my apology wasn’t accepted. I can’t blame her. It’s my entire fault. I shouldn’t have myself driven into temptation by touching what she said to be her personal. And if I discovered something, I should have kept it in myself. However, the damage has been done. I may have my own reasons why I have done it in the first place, but those reasons can’t support the very fact that I totally screw up and everything is a regretful act. How can I fix this? I don’t know. I’m a kind of guy who’s full of wit to everything. I know how to construct and I also know the best and possible way to destruct. But in this case however, I’m hopeless. Maybe because of anger, I did it. Yes, I have a vengeful soul. My spirit doesn’t rest to those I abhor. It bawls for revenge and all I can think of is getting back what you owe me. Do I regret that I have this vengeful character? No, never. But I do regret that what I did was wrong, and it turned out to be a loss. I can’t lie. I can’t keep hatred just in myself. I need to express it. I need to let it go, for hatred is the thing that I know that could destroy me. But I have no more reasons why I should say what I did is right. I accept to be stand corrected. I accept my punishment.

In some other way, I’m glad. This unfortunate event may bring grief but at least I could keep my head up. I may be disrespectful towards personal treasures, but it is because I created protection. I may hurt feelings, but at least I have kept fidelity. Great men make serious mistakes. Great men screwed up big time. Great men are always imperfect. That’s why they became great. By their stupidly, mistakes, errors, flaws, imperfection, malevolent decisions; they took time, to stop, be quiet, sit down, think, ponder, pray, regret, reconcile, feel guilty, do penance, and make it right. But the least I can say now is: “I’m sorry for doing it.”

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What happened doesn’t mean that the other entity won this battle. I may have lost the fight this time but the war hasn’t ended and I’m not yet defeated. What happened is a lesson learned, but not a lesson taught on how to bow down. This will never make me a weaker man, for this will surely transform me to a greater being fit to be one of the gods of men….