Phenomenology of Love

What is a Phenomenology?

When a break occurs in an experience of an individual, he started to reflect. Sometimes in our reflection, we rob some time to think and reflect. Moreover, in our reflection we tried to document it down. Thus, every thing written in Phenomenology is exact and lived experience. It is irrevocable because it is an experience of an individual. It is the reality of what one has truly felt. By this process, a philosophical thought shall emerge. We have reflected on our own personal experiences for to be a reflection by the other is unacceptable. It is something that you have and you own, it is something for a man to claim as his ownership that no body can ever perform on his behalf. It is your personal out look on your life. Thus, it became a Phenomenology.

Phenomenology of Love

What is Love?

In our lives, there is this absolute thing that surrounds us. Many tried to explain it, yet it resulted to failure for it is unexplainable. What is this that they call Love? Why humans are in control by this word written, or such a phrase that is being delivered by the tongue? Does it exist? A multitude would ponder on these questions. However, Love cannot be defined if it is not acted upon. Many cannot surpass in answering the questions of love because there is something lacking on their method of loving. One needs really to step out from his or her self in order to understand what love means. We need not only the eyes to see and recognize what is love. For love is an inner urge in our self to respond if we are being reciprocated by love itself. One can only answer why he or she loves because he or she realizes that love shared to him or her, and the love that he or she shares in reciprocal.

Love as Love itself through an appeal

In love, there are things so unclear that we sometimes cannot clearly understand. Things are presented to us, yet within us, it is unrecognized. These things are called appeals. When a boy asks a girl if why she loves him, it is not that he is in doubt or he is just making nonsense. It is actually an appeal in order for the girl to step out from her self-centeredness and respond to the appeal. The more the question is delivered, the stronger the love begets love it self. It is an appeal on how one can stand the circumstances of personal centeredness and step out from it. It is by embracing the fact that love is unexplainable and only it can be defined if one can open his or her self to the other. Why there is lover’s quarrel? Sometimes, one shows an affectionate appeal in an unlovable manner. Sometimes, we tend to break the flow of the routine of the sweet relationship in order to acquire the meaning of love. If there is shyness, hesitation, and failure to respond to an appeal, love is at stake. One cannot continue loving if someone refuses to step out from thy self and face the reality that it is not just to question but also to present affection. In every relationship of Eros, an appeal must be present and one must not lose patience on it. It is a test of Love as Love itself through an appeal.

Love as Sacrificial

Love is always sacrificial. It is not love if no sacrifice is involved. Non-thinkers cannot understand this basic thing clearly. Nevertheless, how can we define Love as sacrificial? If someone loses, his or her self for the other is indeed sacrificial. One must embrace the reality that he has to level his or herself to the dust of the earth in order for the other to see the willingness of the heart. In true love, one must embrace humiliations, judgments and condemnations. One must have the patience for the other. Patience in the only factor that one can over come the questions of love. In true love, true and real patience must exist. The human capacity to love is a Tabula Rassa. The reality must be recorded on it in a blank tablet. Patience, trust, and acceptance must be noted down in order to face its tribulations and be a victor of sacrificial love. It requires an intense sacrifice. No matter what the weather or no matter what the consequence of nature has presented, if someone is motivated to love, there is no hindrance for that being to express how real is his or her love. He or she must die from his or her self. He or she must withdraw from the self-centeredness and extinguish that personal desire of an existential being to the world. In love, he or she must be a nobody asking to be love in return.

Love as a transcendence

If one is willing to love and to love even in sacrificial, he or she must let go of the comfort given by the self-centeredness and embrace the discomfort. If one is not expressive, he or she must let go of it and must express his or her self as a person that has someone to love. Love must not remain in its silence. It must recover a voice that has the capacity to speak to its proclamation that he or she loves someone. In love, one must pass the moment of anguish in order to be liberated by love as love itself. One has to detach to the being of self- centeredness and accept the subjectivity of the other as affection on love. If someone is at the higher status of his being, he or she must go down from his or her pedestal of glory in such way that love can be rendered to the other. In reality, only little of them among the few have done the reality of true love.

Words are to be spoken and Actions are to be done in Love

Love requires not only action but also words. Words that can arouse the inner urge of the person in order to reciprocate another love to the other. Words are important. They are the sources of every human activity to love. Words can be expressive enough to another person in whom you want to render your love. It is the basis of trust in every individual especially when it comes to love. Words can be inspiring for another person. If a girl tells a boy how much she loves him, it can motivate the boy to love her more. But if she ceases to render her words, its’ up to the capacity of the boy’s patience to understand her. Let us be noted that this emotion are more likely present to human beings. Therefore, it has its humanistic level. One can be turned down by the silence of Love. Others can be motivated if love is at the same time spoken and done. It is terrible to believe that action speaks louder than words. No! What makes it louder is when love is both spoken and acted upon. And our words must be materialized by action. How can you tell someone that you are loving him or her if you are not telling him or her that you love him or her? It’s very passive and does not create a single philosophical sense that for example a girl tells a boy that she loves him yet she cannot define how she loves him and why she loves that boy. It is not considered as love. It is just a plain answer to a demand in order to escape the fact that it is not just a question but an invitation to love. Thus, we return to our own self-centeredness. Love must not be selfish in rendering the words and actions. One must mean what he or she feels. Words are useless if not accompanied by actions. Actions are undefined if there are no words to define them. Both must be equal and equitable. It must not be kept as personal for in Eros, not just a single existing being can say that this is my personal thought. It must be both their stand as an erotic partner to claim the love is personal within them both. Only within them, they can unselfishly tell the words and act their actions. Thus, it is love. For love is not for those who are selfish and self-centered.

“Be with me…”

Understanding the other’s appeal to me does not relate to his facticity but rather to what he is over and above his facticity, viz., a subject. His intersubjectivity itself is the appeal addressed to me; it is an appeal to me to share in his subjectivity. Marcel tries to understand this appeal in the words “Be with me.” It is the other’s appeal to me to leave my self-centeredness, to share in his subjectivity, to accept, support, and increase it.

Love to the Beloved

Love’s appeal to the beloved can only be properly understood when one sees that in willing the other’s subjectivity, his freedom can be fruitful only if the other ratifies this will by his own “yes.” Love does not wish to force, and for this reason it is, in a certain sense, defenseless in reference to the other. Love wills the other’s freedom and therefore becomes fruitful only by the other’s free consent. The lover, however, cannot will that his love be not understood, not accepted, and not fruitful. That is why love appeals to the beloved, an appeal which we would like to explicitate in the words: “Accept that I be at your disposal.” Even if love is obliged to close certain roads through the world for the beloved, it cannot do otherwise than will that the other himself avoid those roads. Love is not satisfied with making it materially possible for the other to go certain roads. This is what is meant by saying that love refuses to force the other. Love’s appeal to the beloved thus means a prayer to the beloved himself to see that this road and not the one that will lead this subjectivity to its destiny. The prayer: “Accept that I be at you disposal” thus means, “see for yourself and realize in freedom your own happiness.” The only fruit love may hope for is that the other will exist.

Love is to give

Sometimes we demand a lot for love is demanding. It demands time, attention, grace and love as love itself. The one who loves gives two things. First: He or She is giving time. To give time for an ample attention to the beloved is an expression of loving the beloved. To give some time for recreation and time to communicate with the one you love can surely satisfy his emptiness. One who loves a beloved must render a time of attention, a time to communicate and a time to restart. One must give its ears to the beloved. A time to listen is something worth to give. A time or a moment to understand the subjectivity and failures of the other can help motivated a dying heart. If the other’s appeals of having a talk for five to ten minutes are those he or she is asking for you, why not give it to him or her because according to you, he or she is your beloved. One must render attention to the beloved. He or she must extinguish all things that would create a hindrance to the opportunity to love the beloved, which is according to the lover. If she or he permits that obstruction, a leak may be caused for has been an obstruction to communicate, to give attention and to love. Thus, the lover cannot blame the beloved when the beloved refuse to love the lover in return.
Second: Giving of something. Love is not material. Yet in loving the beloved, we must have something of sentimental. Not just giving him or her material thing, but also rendering a thought foe example. On the other hand, even a kiss that would seal your love. Alternatively, a hug can envelop him or her in your arms. Thus, all these things are expressions of giving something. It will never cost somebody a penny. However, it can price worthily your love to the beloved.

 PS: I know that a genius somewhat might again be by blog parasite...totomel... just want to tell you that I wrote this when I was still in highschool... so if you want to criticize my writings... you're free to do so... anyway, I started to write before you were aware that there exists a so called "internet"... don't worry..I applauded you for calling your self a moron....