Lamentations

Fallen and scorned, I still stand my ground, hoping for a change. It is not your beauty nor your charm that I still hold on, but the goodness of your heart and the kindness you possess. Yesterday was the past that wounded me deep into my flesh, yet even now as the present would show no beauty for tomorrow. Where art thou when I needed thee? Where art thou when wonderful moments emerge? Where art thou when your presence requests? Where art thou when my glory is about to seize? All alone you leave me forsaken and abandoned. All alone, without thee by my side. Days without you, turn into weeks as weeks then turn into months. There are dreams that I want to dream with thee, and hopes that I want hoping with thee. Alas, these dreams and hopes will never come to be, for time never gave thee a moment with me.
To the Divine I kneel and I pray, neither for conversion nor a radical change. All I ask is send my plea, so that his angels would whisper to thee. That there is a lad longing for your love, who gave his life and even his soul. If ever time will come for him to depart, you will still remember that once in your life, he was a part of your heart.

Vanities

• If I am a pocketbook, I could share time with you as you lie on your bed. You could hold me as if you don’t want time to make its pause. You would always look at me and try to animate me on your imaginations and fantasies. Then, you would always understand everything about me from the beginning to the end. I could be your amazing prologue, and be your happy- ever- after epilogue. Your eyes won’t let go of me and your lips utter only about me.

• If I am a blog, you could spend more time with me. I could be the reason why it is flutter happy. You could edit my life, copy and paste me to your heart and edit me if there is something wrong about me. You could beautify me so that readers will grow fond of me and visit me always. I could have many followers and you could pour out everything to want to say on me. I could be the beautiful reason of your day and inspiration of your daily life. You could pin me as your interest and be the only link to your heart.

• If I am a make-up, you would always think about me whether or not to be an applicable use. I could brighten up you face, give you the blush and be the shadow to cover your scars. I could be a concealer of your heartaches and the line of your life. I could be either expensive or cheap but I could always come in various shades. My colors could turn beauty to such marvel and my touch on your skin would guarantee freshness and perfection. I could remove wrinkles of anger, cover-up eye bags due to tears and a foundation of your divine love.

• If I am a bag, I could be the keepsake of your love. I could hold much burden without breaking and you would always bear me on your shoulders. You could hug me while you’re sitting down a couch and fill me up with those you like and love. I could come in different sizes and designs, built only to last long as it becomes more burdensome. I could always be with you wherever you go and always be a part of you during your work, travel of just a time off along the beach.

• If I am an internet connection, I could guarantee a higher and reliable speed of my love. I would never buffer while you keep waiting for what I’m going to show you. You would always search me and try to surf on my soul. You would sit down in front of me and see what novelties I have. You could tag me on your wonderful experiences, tweet to me your daily observations and bookmark me to your heart. You could mark me as your favorite and could block those who want to infect my love data. You could download me anywhere you need me and upload me as often as you want to your heart and mind.

• If I am a flick, you could always see me as often as you want. You could “Pause” me if you want to check on me clearly, and adjust my luminosity whenever your life seems too dark. I could change your life in various hues and resize me on the way to want. I could be the valiant protagonist that slaughters the evil antagonist. I could come in series, sequels or even in reality. I could be your comedy, action, and most especially your drama and romance. But I will never be your suspense, nor thriller or horror. I would always be true to life and would never be a fiction. I could be your animation and I will take you in another dimension.

• If I am a patient with terminal illness, you would come to me on the wee hours of the night or spend more time beside me while I wait for my impending death. You would wake up early and be on time for my schedule. You would talk to me with a smile to ease up the pain I bear. You would then pamper me and help me with my actions. You would never refuse anything especially when time calls for me to depart from the cruelty of this world. You would always answer my calls and send me SMS messages just to remind for my schedules. But I will never be ill and forever I will remain fit. My body may fail by my heart will forever remain as healthy as it was then before. I will always be one of the folks that wait for hours in the waiting area. I will never have renal illness even if I wish to have so that I could spend at least 4 hours a day and twice a week with you or have a stat anytime I want to spend a moment with you.

Somehow, I couldn’t be as perfect as these things that could guarantee you joy. I could only be what I am, someone who could give nothing except my life. I may be imperfect not like any ideal man but I have equaled the gods and perfected their love.

I will never forget Dec. 27

I woke up that very day, chilling from the December breeze. I had an early morning shower, a cup of espresso, and drove to the airport to pick up my boss. I was so excited then for I knew that I’ll be having my brand new HP 300 mini net book. I turned down the car’s windows to feel the wind of early dawn as it touched my skin. The road was dark and foggy, so I blasted down my fog lights to see the concrete way. As I arrived the airport, an ample of precipitation blessed that very day, or let us say, an early mourn to an upcoming pain. Blessed for it marks my achievements and the glories I have reached and struggled for. To mourn for it will turn my smiles to tears. Just then when the sun reached its aurora, my boss gave me the gadget I was then longing for. We head back then to the office and I was so excited to make a phone call to someone I dear most. I made a phone call and while talking to her, I told her that I have my net book already. She said that she’s happy for me. I could feel that she was not even sincere to that joy that she would disguise that as if she was there to partake. I told her that I want to meet her that very day so that I could show her my new net book. This was then we talked about months before that if ever I would have this, she would be the first to touch it and she would then be the first to use it. Alas, she refused to meet me and reasoned out that she will be taking her day off with a solitude and rest. I gave her the way to enjoy the time for her own. It was then the afternoon of that day when I made an effort to go to her place. There I knew that she left and told nothing where she was going. It was then almost evening when she came. I asked her where she went, and straight at me without shame that she went to Miag-ao with another man. She went there to enjoy the day with Leomel Pasquin. My heart was torn to pieces while she just remained there shameless to what she did. She enjoyed the sun, the sea and the moments with another man, while I was left behind, alone and forsaken. My true devotion and unconditional love to the woman I dear most paid off with filthy betrayal. All I did was to love her, make her safe and gave everything to her without minding myself or my welfare. All she did to me was to make me cry, make me suffer and pin me down. Let the Miag-ao moments be remembered forever like a name written on a stone. You may write something on it but it will never last unless you carved it deep. Like my love that I have carved it deep. So deep that it made me bleed for her name is carved on my flesh.

Apology accepted but not yet forgiven. I can still never forget the pain, like the way I can never forget December 27, 2010.

Una Musica che Canta

When it gets really bored, I would grab my Yamaha C-40 acoustic guitar, get my piece stand and with an empty page of a music sheet, I would write down some notations. It has been three months from now that I stopped working on the different guitar scales. From the basic Triad Scale to the Lucrian, Ionian and Dorian Scales, I patiently combined them to make music. But within a short time, I stopped and laid my guitar in its stand.

Music has been a part of my life since I was 7, when I started to play the piano. However, in my tender age, I would prefer an outdoor game with the neighborhood kids and try to fake out an illness that could spare me from my piano lessons. As I entered the seminary, music became a big part of my life as to a bloodstream that connects to my heart that keeps it beating. I made a lot of compositions, namely liturgical compositions, Theme songs and even crazy songs whenever I and my brothers feel the melancholy of seminary life. The Solfeggio served as my breviary while my guitar and the piano collaborate to make this they call language of the soul.

My decision for regency wasn’t an option to stop me from making music. I met several people enrolled in the conservatory of music, thus makes us united in a single cause: to live as musicians. I joined several bands just to know the different variations and genres. I had my first step with a Rock band that plays heavy metal. Then I shifted to play Reggae Music and our band was the first ever reggae band that gave Iloilo the Rastafarian influence. I went to Ethnic music, taking Philippine Ancient Instruments after my reggae career, and had a chance to play with Armor and the other members of Pinikpikan and of course with Mr. Joey Ayala. When I had my studies in Italy, I was recruited to be a part of Gen Rosso, and it gave me a big break: to sing the “Resta Qui Con Noi” for Karol Wojtyla on his last birthday. Such a privileged to sing one of the Pope’s favorite songs in a huge Salotto with numerous spectators and of course wearing a black cassock while doing this part. I also had a chance to go to Salzburg, Austria and had some music courses in The Mozarteum, the world’s school of music.

Upon my return to my homeland, I met this charming young lady; the most beautiful woman in the world and the reason why I pulled off my Theology Course, and eventually turned away from the Presbyterian ministry. I made her a song titled: “Masterpieces”, and did the collaboration with Fr. Mimo to finish the arrangement and notations. However, when she fell out of our love due to a fraudulent asshole from Barotac Nuevo, I lost my desire to make music once more.

When will my music come back? I don’t know. However, I had my symphony, still with me. It is her presence in my arms again. She is my music. She is the language of my soul.

“Love music as much as everything. Love music more than food…” – August Rush

Un’Pomeriggio… (One Afternoon)

I began to search for some of my important documents on my file cabinet one afternoon. My mind was only set for those papers, when I pulled out an envelope from the far end. I didn’t have any idea on what was on it, so out of my curiosity I opened it. To my surprise, they were my old letters and files when I was still abroad. I robbed a moment to sit down and began reading them one by one.

First I saw my old plane ticket, still on its original envelope, and with my complete flight itinerary. Then, some of my train tickets especially the one from EUROStar, the best and modern train in Europe were also there. I have also known that I’m still keeping my old birthday card mailed to me by my parents and there, stated my cash gift of $2000 which I spent when I went to Munich and Cologne for the World Youth Day and of course, my drinking spree during the Oktoberfest in Bavaria. Also included were the letters and greeting cards from my classmates in Rome. The cards were quite symbolic because those were the cards that they brought from their country. I got a card from Japan which was given by my Theology classmate Tanaka Hiromasa, a Buddhist seminarian who studied Christian Theology with me in The Gregorian University. There were also from Africa, namely Tanzania, Kenya, Cameroon and Burundi. Their card were decorated with African design. They were from Muyayu Kalunga, Wala Liswaba, Flauribert Takwa and Emmanuel Ngawu. There were a lot of letters from different countries in five continents. Some were given from the countries I had visited and some were from my classmates and school mates who had shared with me their time and unity when I was still living the life of chastity, poverty and obedience.

Then I realized that I robbed much time for reading those beautiful memorabilia from the past. I forgot what I need to look for in the first place. I took a shower then after because I need to pick someone up before 6:00 pm. It was really an afternoon. 

Tears

Every moment spent turns to be a blissful one, yet, I can’t stop crying. I cried because there are certain things that hurt me even if everything seem fine. There are certain moments I wish I could turn to happiness but melancholy haunts me down. There are instances that I want to enjoy but I can’t because of jealousy. That’s the reason why I can’t stop crying.

Every time something upsets me, it turns out to be that what I sacrificed becomes a waste. I endured a lot in anguish. I endured something that no human can endure. I loved that no man can equal. I loved as equal as the Divine. Yet, I can’t stop crying when these sacrifices weren’t appreciated.

I can’t stop crying whenever things that once bruised me, were done once again and repeatedly being done. I can’t stop crying whenever things you had done once with “him” were the same as with me in my time. I can’t stop crying when secrets are kept but it’s I who unraveled them in the end. I can’t stop crying whenever I’m always the only one trying to patch things up. I can’t stop crying whenever you failed to amend your flaws. I can’t stop crying whenever even I’m in the right track but still you are too defensive in favor of the passive course. I can’t stop crying whenever you doubt my sincerity and fidelity. I can’t stop crying whenever I measured only by numbers and time. I can’t stop crying when to refuse to listen and make your point. I can’t stop crying when you value lesser things that the greater ones or you only realized my great deeds but don’t mind the least that I did. I can’t stop crying when I see that a book is more precious than my time. I can’t stop crying when you try to judge me ahead in a pessimistic way. I can’t stop crying when you consider the lesser evil as OK but point at the flaws much of the time and even on my flaws born by the past. I can’t stop crying when you value earthly things than our supposed time with the Divine. I can’t stop crying when you too cry in front of me because of my mistakes and errors….. I may be the most imperfect being that ever existed, but I have perfected and even equaled God in Loving.

My First True Love

Even now
I think about you
I can't help it
It's just something I'm used to
I'll never forget you
You were my first love
There's no way to stop
This feeling I get
When I think of you
We were perfect for each other
What went so wrong?
I guess things just changed
We both just moved on
I'll always love you though
I could never stop
I see you in the hallways
And my heart still begins to race
"I shouldn't feel this anymore"
I tell myself everyday
You probably hate me
For the decisions that I've made
But I'll always love you
No matter what I do
I'll never forget you
You were my first true love.

Lesson on Forgiveness

At one time or another we have all been hurt in our relationships. Some hurts are minor such as personal slights or embarrassing moments. Other hurts are more profound as with acts of emotional or physical abuse.

In either case the reaction to the hurt is to sometimes say, "I will never forgive." Maybe you have made this statement. If you have then consider this question, "When you don’t forgive, who suffers?"

What happens when you don’t forgive? Often you will think about the hurt. Events of the day remind you. You might see the person on the street and remember what they did. Someone mentions their name and the hurt is rekindled. A song on the radio stirs the embers of the pain. You might work with the person or even live with them. Everyday you may be reminded of what happened.

Once reminded, you start thinking about how bad it was. How, unfair. How you didn’t deserve it. You are filled with anger and resentment, or sadness and loss. You say again, "I will never forgive."

At this point who is feeling bad? Who is miserable? The answer is "You!"

What is the other person doing? Most likely not busy thinking about you. They may not remember what happened or even know you were hurt. They may not care that you were hurt. They are feeling fine.

However, you keep thinking about, "How bad it was." Your lack of forgiveness is only hurting you. You end up miserable. What would happen if you were to forgive? Who would get better? Again the answer is "You!"

You must remember that, "Forgiveness is always for you." You don’t forgive for the other person. You forgive so you can get better. 
Forgiveness is a letting go. It is freeing of yourself. If this is true, then why is forgiveness so difficult? It is difficult because it can seem like "giving in" or being weak. We don’t want to be weak, so we don’t forgive. It can seem like an approval of what happened. We may worry that forgiving might be an invitation to be mistreated again. Also, not forgiving can give you sense of power and control through the holding a grudge. Not forgiving and holding a resentment is like having a wound which you check everyday to see if it is healing.

Everyday you open it up to look and sure enough it is not any better. To heal from a wound you must stop checking on it everyday. To heal from hurt you must stop reliving it everyday. Remember, forgiveness frees you. It recaptures the energy that you were giving away in sadness, anger, and revenge. Forgiveness also empowers you. It puts you back in charge of you. The forgiveness choice is, " Do you want to be bitter or better." Keep holding on to the pain and you will be bitter. Make the better choice. Learn to let go. Learn to be a forgiving person.

How Can I Forget?

That very first day that we met
It's a feeling I'll never forget.
All the experiences that we've shared,
I knew right away that you were rare.

You see, it's hard to find a someone like you,
Usually they're too good to be true.
Though I should've entered with more ration,
But with you I felt so much passion.

I wish those things had never happened.
It feels as though my love's been abandoned.
All I wanted was to make you happy,
So why is it that I have to feel so crappy?

I want nothing more than for us to move on,
>But it's so hard now that the trust is gone.
>I want to get past this, I really do...
What can I do to make you be true?

My love for you is like an undying flame.
And I once wished for our love to remain.
Do you remember that day, the day that it snowed?
It's the day that I wished for our love to grow.

You hurt me that night, you need to know that you did.
And I need you to know that I can forgive.
But I'm really struggling with trying to forget,
Because I still feel the same as that first day we met.

One Life We Lead

The biggest risk a heart can take,
A second chance, it’s there to make.
Turned into three, there can’t be four,
Gone from your life, if it turns more.

I can’t rule your life for you,
The choice is yours, with what to do.
Though if it comes, please spare me this,
Your love for me cannot exist.

Inside I have, but nothing left,
In times of love, it feels like death.
It’s taken more than I first knew,
I had to give, my strength it’s through.

I’m only human, man and boy,
Don’t treat me like I’m just a toy.
I hope from now, you’ll think of me,
Through distance, love, brutality.

One life we lead, to walk this land,
At times it’s hard, at times it’s grand.
Mistakes we’ll make, through them we grow,
It’s far too hard to see you go.

If you do care, then I believe,
We’ll make it through, this time to grieve.
And out the other side we’ll go,
Through, thick, through thin, through rain through snow.

The future comes, the past, forgot,
Dishonesty, it starts to rot.
No lies be told, we start as new,
From you to me, from me to you.

One year, it’s down, though not through ease,
Two more, we can, we must, I plead.
Please keep these thoughts so you can see,
How much in life, you mean to me.

My Baby.
I love you.
I forgive you.
But don’t take advantage of that.

Despite

I forgive you
Despite the pain and anger I've had in my life
I wish you were near
Despite the tears that fell from my eyes
I will always love you
You are my mom and nothing can change that and
Despite the fact that you were never there
I still want you to be!!!!!!

Shhhhssss... It's a Secret

Shhhssss…. Be quiet!

Keep still, someone might hear.
Keep it low, so nobody could find out
even if they’re near.
Be on guard. Look around
if the coast is clear.
Move quietly
and let’s get out from here.

Shhhhsss…. Be quiet!


This must not come out.
Keep your voice down
and please don’t shout.
Whisper quietly into my ear.
And make sure that someone isn’t near.
Hurry up so that we won’t get busted,
If in that case we will end up damn wasted.

Shhhhssss… Be quiet!

Even there is a little stench,
never say a word or give an inch.
Hide it carefully so that nobody could see,
and just think in your conscience you are crime- free.
Even if he finds out,
never ever attempt to come out.

Shhhhsss… Be quiet!

He doesn’t know what we did.
Telling him the truth is what I most forbid.
Just keep it secret and low,
and never say anything that will give him a clue.
Just remember everything I have said,
If you won’t, you’ll be dead.

Oh my! He found out what we did!
Now it’s only up to you,
and you’re on your own.
I did the best on my part,
but you weren’t good in hiding from the start.
Watch me as I flee and leave you in your peril,
that’s what you get for trusting the devil…

Shhhsss…Be quiet!...

Shalom Lechem, Rabboni!

Along came with armed soldiers of the High Priest, Judas approached the Lord and said: “Rabboni”. As these words were said, his lips touched the Lord’s cheek. The soldiers grabbed the Lord as if like an animal to be slaughtered. The Lord endured the punches and blows given by the merciless soldiers of Caiaphas. The Lord remained calm and meek as a lamb waiting for its death as a sacrificial offering for the atonement of man’s sins.

Thirty pieces of silver, a good price for the Messiah’s head. Judas sold his Lord for just thirty pieces of silver, a lesser element than gold. He grasp so hard on the purse that contains his vanity. He won’t let go of the cheap price for the Son of God. He was succumbed by greed, envy and vain. Poor Judas, his kiss delivered the Lord into the hands of suffering, agony and death. He betrayed the Lord. But the Lord drank the cup of death and embraced His dreadful fate. While the traitor Judas was just there on the side, counting the silver coins if they are in exact quantity.

The Lord was condemned to die on the most humiliating death, was beaten with clubs, lashed with “fulcrums” and crowed with two- inch thorns. The Lord was stripped off from His garments, lifted the burdensome cross to “Golgotha” and nailed on it with an insignia that criticizes Him written in Hebrew, Greek, and Latin. On the other hand, the traitor Judas realized his flaws. His conscience began to devour him. He can’t endure living in disgrace and humiliation because he sold the Lord for mere silver coins. He began to beg for forgiveness. But it’s too late for an apology. The Lord has already been held in the arms of Hades. Alas, Judas was left desperate with nothing to do. He rushed to the field he bought called “Akeldama” or the Field of Blood, remorse from his sins, hanged himself until he bursts open and all his insides spilled out, a tragic fate for the one who sold the Lord and betrayed the Son of God.

But in some way Judas is to be honored. There were men and women who betrayed their kindred, their love or their God, but offered no remorse, no apologies, nor regrets and, held their sins with pride. Woe to them! Judas is far better than them because he learned how to regret even if it was too late. Let this be the bottom-line, traitors will suffer the same fate as of Judas, from the tribe of Iscarii, in the land of Hebron Valley unless they know how to regret or better to avoid being another Judas the Iscariot.

No Revenge, No Victory

Even if I won the fight, I can't resist thinking that I once been wounded. I always seek for revenge because nothing comes out  of mere victory unless a blood has been shed. Your opponent may be at ease even though he accepted his loss and applauded you as a victor. I won't accept that even in your victory, the loser just stands along the road as you walk. The loser needs to be on his knees, regretting the the act he once did. The loser must be in agony. I want to hear the sweet scream of his remorse. I want to see his pain and being sorry to what he did.

Each time the story is being recalled, a bullet is always loaded, the blade is always sharpened and tucked in to its sheath, and plots were made. No victory ends without a sweet revenge to your opponent. I will not accept victory alone unless I made my revenge, for it will make me a lesser man if I won't... You took one, I'll take a dozen... You should know who you are messing with... Expect the unexpected... Expect the me as an incubus of your nights... Good luck that I will not find you....

It's Hard to Fix a Wounded Heart...

This is the story of a girl who had a bad temper. To teach her a good lesson, her boyfriend asked that every time she lost her patience and insulted him, she should hammer a nail on her door.

On the first day, the girl hammered 37 nails. As weeks passed and as she managed to control her temper, the nails became fewer. After almost a year of struggle, the girl finally managed to control herself. She was happy and she told her boyfriend about her achievements. The boyfriend, however, suggested that she should take out the nails from the door. After some days, the girl had removed all the nails.


Her boyfriend took her to see the door and said: “You have worked hard, my love, but look at all the holes that are there on the door. The door will never be like it was before you started to put nails on it. Each time you lost your patience and offended me by words, you leave behind scars that are difficult to remove. You can insult me and afterwards say ‘I am sorry’, but the scars will always remain.”

I miss you (True Confessions from a Wounded Heart)

>
I miss you even if I have you in my arms. I miss you even if in my every day I see you. I miss you even if you are already mine. I miss your smiles even if you smiled to me each time we’re together. I miss your hugs even if you hug me so tight. I miss your kisses even if you kiss me as if there’s no more tomorrow. There are times that I want to scream or to bawl what is in my heart. There are moments that I want to say curses but I can’t. There are times that I want to leave and let go because I can’t endure anymore but there’s something that keeps holding me. There are things in you that I miss so much…

I miss your morning text messages that says I love you or goodnights that end with the eternal love. I miss your hugs every time we are together or your kisses before I head home. I miss your stubbornness and defiance which I know that you longed for my attention. I miss your mood swings and your annoyances. I miss your “princess-act” whenever we are together. I miss your questions about what’s going on. I miss your curiosity on what is in my phone or in my bag. I miss holding your hand that seems you would never let go. I miss going out with you in certain places you haven’t been. I miss to see the excitement in your eyes to something new. I miss sitting beside you on your bed and listening to your voice as you whisper that I’m the only one you love.

Alas, all these are just nostalgias of the past and to what had been. All were real then to me. All were true and without doubt. Alas, now I don’t know if they are still true, real and sincere. That’s the very thing I miss. I miss believing that what is happening now is true…


Forgive me if I am in doubt for my wounds still bleed and are fresh. The lance of infidelity has made its deepest scar. The blows of insecurity put me in a comma until now. The hard hits and slaps of insults still leave their bloody mark. All I’m longing to hear is a sincere act of contrition. All I’m longing to see is true remorse and amendment from your flaws. Yes! I gave you my forgiveness. But forgiveness is a grace. It only applies to someone sincerely asking for it. I miss when you say sorry and with sincerity in your eyes… Have faith that I will never let you go. I will never change you in my heart. I will love you forever and throughout eternity… I fought a good fight. I finished the race. I have kept the faith… I’m still missing the real you…

The Wisdom of Non-Violence

The Wisdom of Non-Violence

An Inspired Essay by Avatar Meher Baba

In modern times, there has been no greater advocate and teacher of love as the ultimate attainment of every human being than the Avatar Meher Baba. In this essay he explores the role of love as it pertains to the uniquely human problem of violence.

Nonviolence, pure and simple, means 'infinite love.' It is the goal of life. When pure and infinite love is reached, the aspirant becomes one with God. To reach this goal, there must be intense longing, and the aspirant who has this longing must begin by practicing the 'nonviolence of the brave.' This applies to those who, though not one with all through realization, consider none to be their enemy and try to win over even the aggressor through love. They give up their lives through love, not through fear.

'Nonviolence of the Brave' is practicable for those who have the intense longing to attain the supreme state. This longing is not to be found in the majority. If, therefore, it is intended to lead the majority to nonviolence, it is necessary first to prepare them for the 'nonviolence of the brave.' To achieve this in a practical way, it is necessary to make them follow, in the beginning, the principle of 'nonviolent violence'; that is, violence done solely for defending the weak, without any selfish motive.

In times of war, when the masses are not even in the mood to listen to advice about having intense longing to attain the supreme goal of life, the only practical way to lead them toward the goal is to begin by inculcating in them the principle of'nonviolent violence' and then gradually introducing the 'nonviolence of the brave.' Otherwise, nonviolence would not only fail but there would be serious danger of the fatal 'nonviolence of the coward' -- that is, non-resistance to aggression because of fear.

The masses may also be led to the 'nonviolence of the brave' by following the principles of 'selfless violence' instead of those of 'nonviolent violence.'This selfless violence is violence done in self-defense when attacked treacherously. No other motive should be allowed to justify the violence. Thus, for example if a woman is threatened with violation and one defends her by resorting to violence one can be said to have followed the principles of 'selfless violence.' Similarly, when the motherland is being attacked by enemies, the nations effort in defending the motherland is 'selfless violence.' An element of selfishness being there, the love expressed is limited human love.

'Nonviolence of the coward' is fatal; so also is'selfish violence, ' which is violence perpetrated for selfish motives by individuals or by a nation to gain power, or for other selfish ends.

It will therefore be seen that while nonviolence,pure and simple is the goal of life, this goal is to be attained by individual seekers of God by following'nonviolence of the brave.' The majority who have not the intense longing for being one with God have to be led toward this goal on the principles of'nonviolent violence' or those of 'selfless violence,'according to the circumstances. It must be very clearly understood that 'nonviolent violence' and'selfless violence' are merely the means of attaining the goal of life, namely pure and simpleNonviolence or 'Infinite Love.' These means must not be confused with the goal itself.

The motive and result are determined by general acceptance as to whether they are good or bad. For example, 'nonviolence of the brave' and'nonviolence of the coward' are both nonviolence, but, from the viewpoint of the motive force behind it,'nonviolence of the brave' is born of love and'nonviolence of the coward' is born of fear which is opposite to love. Although as nonviolence they are not opposites, their motives are opposed. The motive behind 'nonviolence of the brave' is losing ones life to gain infinite love, and the motive behind'nonviolence of the coward' is to save one's own life. So 'nonviolence of the coward' can be described as'non-love,' as we describe 'nonviolence of the brave' as love.

'Nonviolent violence' cannot be described as love, but as 'duty' - duty done selflessly for others according to Karma Yoga, or helpfulness, which is eventually linked up with infinite love - but motivated by human love.

The difference between these two opposite forces cannot be obliterated; but the transformation of one force to another can happen when expressed through the right channels. Food given wrongly becomes poison, but poison given in small quantities as a tonic may become food for the nerves. Indeed, all food is poison; it is only in the power of transformation that it becomes converted into good.

War is a necessary evil; it is in God's plan to awaken humanity to higher values. If humanity fails to profit by the lessons of war, it suffers in vain. War teaches that even the 'man in the street' can rise to the greatest heights of sacrifice for the sake of a selfless cause. It also teaches that wealth, possessions, power, fame, family, and even life on earth are devoid of lasting value. The incidents of war can, through the lessons they bring, win man for God and initiate him into a new life inspired by lasting values.

In war, people make unlimited sacrifices and endure untold sufferings for the sake of their country or in the interests of political aims; they are capable of the same sacrifices and endurance for God. All religions have unequivocally claimed man for life in the Truth, and it is sheer folly to fight in the name of any religion. It is time for a fresh vision of the Truth that all life is one, that only God is real, and that God is all that matters. God is worth dying for. He is also worth living for. All else is vain and empty, the pursuit of illusory values.

This essay was excerpted from Meher Baba's classic work entitled, 'God to Man and Man to God.'

Trust

Trust is both and emotional and logical act. Emotionally, it is where you expose your vulnerabilities to people, but believing they will not take advantage of your openness. 

Logically, it is where you have assessed the probabilities of gain and loss, calculating expected utility based on hard performance data, and concluded that the person in question will behave in a predictable manner. In practice, trust is a bit of both. I trust you because I have experienced your trustworthiness and because I have faith in human nature.

We feel trust. Emotions associated with trust include companionship, friendship, love, agreement, relaxation, comfort. 

There are a number of different ways we can define trust. Here are the dimensions of trust and consequent definitions.

It is a normal part of the human condition to be constantly forecasting ahead. We build internal models of the world based both on our experiences and what others tell us, and then use these to guess what will happen next. This allows us to spot and prepare for threats and also make plans to achieve our longer-term goals.

The greatest unpredictability is at 50%; a reliable enemy can be preferable to an unpredictable friend, as at least we know where we are with them.

Definition 1: Trust means being able to predict what other people will do and what situations will occur. If we can surround ourselves with people we trust, then we can create a safe present and an even better future.lue exchange

Most of what we do with other people is based around exchange, which is the basis for all businesses as well as simple relationships. At its simplest, it is exchange of goods. I will swap you two sheep for one cow. It is easy to calculate the value in such material bargaining. Things get more complex when less tangible forces come into play. A parent exchanges attention for love. A company exchanges not only pay but good working conditions for the intellectual and manual efforts of its workforce.

Value exchange works because we each value things differently. If I have a whole flock of sheep but no milk, then I can do business with a person who has a herd of cows but no clothes. This principle of reciprocity is what binds societies together.

Trust in value exchange occurs when we do not know fully whether what we are receiving is what we expect. When we buy a car, don’t want to be sold a ringer which the seller knows is faulty. When I get advice in business, I want it to be based on facts, not wild opinions.

Definition 2: Trust means making an exchange with someone when you do not have full knowledge about them, their intent and the things they are offering to you.elayed reciprocity

Exchange is not just about an immediate swapping of cows and sheep or hugs and kisses. What makes companies and societies really work is that something is given now, but the return is paid back some time in the future. The advantage of this is that we can create a more flexible environment, where you can get what you need when you need it, rather than having to save up for it.


Trust now becomes particularly important, because otherwise we are giving something for nothing. The delay we have placed in the reciprocal arrangement adds a high level of uncertainty which we need to mitigate through trust.

What is often called the ‘golden rule’ is a simple formula for creating trust. ‘Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.’ It sets up the dynamic for my giving you something now with the hope of getting back some unspecified thing in the indeterminate future.

Definition 3: Trust means giving something now with an expectation that it will be repaid, possibly in some unspecified way at some unspecified time in the future.xposed vulnerabilities

When we trust other people, we may not only be giving them something in hope of getting something else back in the future, we may also be exposing ourselves in a way that they can take advantage of our vulnerabilities. If I buy a car from you and I do not know a good price, you can lie to me so you get a better bargain. If I tell you in confidence about the problems I am having with work, you could use this to further your own career at my expense.

Although the threat of retribution or projected feelings of guilt can counteract your temptation to abuse my exposed vulnerabilities, if you succumb I still get hurt and may still end up with the shorter stick. For our transaction to complete successfully, I must be able to trust that such agonies will not come to pass.

Definition 4: Trust means enabling other people to take advantage of your vulnerabilities—but expecting that they will not do this.

So learn about trust, how it works and how to build it. If you do it well, other people will give you the earth. If you betray them, they will hunt you to the ends of the earth.

Snakes in my backyard... You know who you are..

You don't need you to check my reasons especially if it won't give you a raise of stipend for doing so..I did my best to be kind and professional but what you're showing me is very unprofessional and rude. I believe in the adage that says: " Familiarity breeds contempt." It's true. When I don't act like a person of authority, you look at me as one of your peers, but you forgot that my education is higher than yours and you have no right to check on me because it is not what we hired you to be. You can't even perform your duties even if it's the lowliest obligation. When you need something, I give considerations on your request. When you ask me of something to your greed, did I look at you as a greedy hog? Never! SO shut up! Leave me alone because I came to work and to build a family. That is professionalism. To  greedy sloths like you... I know, you can never understand... so skip me out from you unintellectual brain.... get lost... I don't need snakes in my backyard.... You know who you are... Time will come... as I lifted all of you up to your glory, I'll bring havoc that will crush you down to pieces... goodluck...

Valentine Experience...

Well, as for those in love, Valentine is one of the most anticipated moment in their lives. Early this morning, i thought of making a big surprise to my love, my renal nurse. Despite that i gave her various alibis yesterday evening that I don't have much time to celebrate valentine with her, I gave her the first part of my surprise and giving her alibis is just part of the plan. I went to the hospital chapel early this morning because I knew that she'll be doing the readings for the Mass. But I have to keep myself hidden because she isn't aware that I'll be attending the Eucharist. Right after the mass has ended, I went to another place of prayer and thank the Lord for giving me a chance to express my deepest love to my renal nurse. I stayed there for almost an hour then I head back to the hospital where she's working and went directly to the SPICE- Kidney Center. She never thought that I'm going to go directly inside the Kidney Center, give my gift, offer her flowers and just look at her with a smile. It didn't take that much long. I could see how shy she was and blushing. It's another big surprise for her that she thought I would never try to do. When I saw her smiling while accepting my gift, I was filled with a blissful feeling and love. I hope I made her special this Valentines Day...This valentine experience is indeed a big surprise....

I love you my Renal Nurse.... Wait for the second part. More surprises to come...

"I d0n't need fl0wers or ch0colates this valentines, fl0wers die, ch0colates expire, n0t U in my heart all i need is y0u, n0t just n0w but f0rever... I love u!"

The Reason Is You

You're the reason for these butterflies
That are fluttering uncontrollable inside of me
These butterflies will never calm
They've taken over my whole body

You're the reason for this smile
That brightens my whole face
This smile will never frown
You've unknowingly became my all

You make me feel alive once again
You've erased my past with just a touch
Chased my fears with just one glance
You broke my mold with that first kiss

I thought my happiness was forbidden
Until you took my world and killed my demons
Read into all my deepest dreams
And gave them beautiful wings
You're the reason I believe in love...

If Only You Could Realize I'm Sorry...

Telling the truth won't do,

for that was a surprise to be

God alone knows that I really wanted to make a change

in you and be the first to greatly surprise you.

But it all fell on me and I feel like simply taking my life away though it won't help and God forbid.

I know exactly how you feel about me 

for it's not the first time it's happening

and I doubt if you'd ever again give me a genuine smile.

Am sorry from the bottom most part of my heart

and it was never meant to be that way

and will never happen.

But though I've hurt you and I also hurt

I still love myself for I sacrificed myself

and went beyond my pride to make it worth.

Though all gone through and wasted.

God had a perfect reason

and from someone who is madly

and frankly in love with you, I'll miss you.

You were and always have been sweet,

I miss the way we used to drive the whole city wild,

I miss your touch comfort and more so Imiss you.

I know I'll never ever be with you again

but whoever loves you better love you the way I did

'coz one day you'll realize I love you

but maybe now it's time to move on.

I love you and as long as you are happy

I'm happy too and I'll desperately miss you!

I'm sorry and I love you my Arvee Marie...

The Wait...

Time Clicks as I await

The hour ends before my take
Sitting, thinking, waiting; my mind escapes

The day grows old as night passes
Wolves crying, coyotes howling; anticipating
Watching, staring, seeing -- nothing

Silence begins the day
as morning comes without notice
Tears begin to fall, slowly

The day moves on without hope
Wishing to be what is not to be

The sun moves to its peak
without a whisper or retreat

Time moving, but still empty
Stomach aching, curling
Still waiting

Realize...

I loved you more than I have ever known
Those starry eyes
Those tender lips
You made my heart melt
Then boil into a roaring fire
I now know
What my eyes could not see
You are the only one that is for me
Many nights those tears flew
Being myself without anyone
Anyone to care about the thoughts
Looking at the sky and knowing
Many mistakes I had
Many mistakes I have had

Sunday Gospel: 6th Sunday Ordinary Time (Feb.10, 2011)

Matthew 5: 17 - 37
17	"Think not that I have come to abolish the law and the prophets; I have come not to abolish them but to fulfil them.
18	For truly, I say to you, till heaven and earth pass away, not an iota, not a dot, will pass from the law until all is accomplished.
19	Whoever then relaxes one of the least of these commandments and teaches men so, shall be called least in the kingdom of heaven; but he who does them and teaches them shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven.
20	For I tell you, unless your righteousness exceeds that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.
21	"You have heard that it was said to the men of old, `You shall not kill; and whoever kills shall be liable to judgment.'
22	But I say to you that every one who is angry with his brother shall be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother shall be liable to the council, and whoever says, `You fool!' shall be liable to the hell of fire.
23	So if you are offering your gift at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you,
24	leave your gift there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.
25	Make friends quickly with your accuser, while you are going with him to court, lest your accuser hand you over to the judge, and the judge to the guard, and you be put in prison;
26	truly, I say to you, you will never get out till you have paid the last penny.
27	"You have heard that it was said, `You shall not commit adultery.'
28	But I say to you that every one who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
29	If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and throw it away; it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell.
30	And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away; it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell.
31	"It was also said, `Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.'
32	But I say to you that every one who divorces his wife, except on the ground of unchastity, makes her an adulteress; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
33	"Again you have heard that it was said to the men of old, `You shall not swear falsely, but shall perform to the Lord what you have sworn.'
34	But I say to you, Do not swear at all, either by heaven, for it is the throne of God,
35	or by the earth, for it is his footstool, or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the great King.
36	And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make one hair white or black.
37	Let what you say be simply `Yes' or `No'; anything more than this comes from evil.

Reflection:

Today, Jesus tells us: «I have come to fulfill the Law» (Mt 5, 17). What is the Law? What is ‘The Prophets’? By the Law and the Prophets, Jesus meant two different sets of books of the Old Testament. The Law refers to the works believed to have been written by Moses; the Prophets, as the name itself indicates, are the works of the Prophets and the Sapiential books.

In Today's Gospel, Jesus refers to those who are considered the summary of the moral code of the Old Testament: The commandments of the law of God. According to Jesus, the Law isn't merely about external principles. It isn't an external imposition, on the contrary. Actually, God's Law corresponds to the ideal of perfection that is deeply rooted in the heart of every man. This is the reason why they who keep the commandments not only achieve the accomplishment of their human aspirations, but also the perfection of christianism, or, in Jesus's words, achieves the perfection of the Kingdom of God. «Whoever obeys them and teaches others to do the same will be great in the kingdom of heaven» (Mt 5, 19).

«But I say to you» (Mt 5,22). The observance of the Law isn't restricted to the letter, since «For the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life» (2Cor 3:6). This is the meaning in which Jesus employs His authority to interpret the Law according to its most authentic spirit. As Jesus interprets it, the Law is extended to its ultimate consequences: the respect for life is connected to the eradication of hate, vengeance and offense; the chastity of the body, to the purity of intentions; the perfection of matrimony depends on fidelity and indissolubility; the truth of the word given starts with the respect for pacts. By observing the law, Jesus «fully reveals man to man himself and makes his supreme calling clear» (Vatican II Council).

The example of Jesus invites us to that perfection of Christian life in which we practice with actions what we preach with words.

Lonely Nights...

The night’s going cold and I’m growing old..
Everytime you’re gone is more lonesome than the last one..
And I’m spending all this night, without you in my life..
And you’re still on my mind..
Nothing to regret, when you blew off my mind..
I’m tired to be alone..
Why don’t you just come home with me?
Because I miss you so,
And I want to yell, for you to know..
If you could see me now,
We could move on somehow..
If I could travel a mile,
everything I’d do…
Just to see your smile..

Value of Life...

We human beings have been given the faculty to see and classify things and objects according to their “value”. And many times things are of importance or no importance to us depending on their capacity to satisfy our needs. We have spiritual and material needs: the crucial question is: which of them do we prefer to satisfy first? We can see the interplay of material and spiritual values in the following case study. A company made a survey of two groups of people who were asked about the most important goal of their lives. Their answers were the following:


Group 1
Architect: to have more projects that will permit me to have more money.
Engineer: to develop systems that will be useful and thus easily be sold.
Lawyer: to win more cases and have a Mercedes Benz car.
Manager: to make business more profitable.
Athlete: to gain fame and worldwide recognition.


Group 2
Prisoner: to walk freely in the streets.
Blind: to see the light of the sun.
Deaf: to listen to the sound of the wind.
Mute: to be able to say to persons how much he loves them.
Invalid: to run in a very sunny morning.
Persons with AIDS: to live a day more


Group 2 persons desire things that money cannot buy while those Group 1 wish money and fame, having already the things that money cannot buy. Many people have immense riches which money cannot buy and do not appreciate them, seeing their “treasure” in things that have a price and which can be bought by money.
Healthy people take foe granted their sight and hearing until they become deaf and blind, and thus, starting their dream of being able to hear and see. We need not label the people of Group 1 as “bad” while those of Group 2 as “good”. But at times, it takes a serious sickness for us to appreciate what we are: the God- given gifts which we have taken for granted because we have them from birth. Fame and money are the obsession of the healthy, but once they lose their health, these two easily disappear. Money and Fame belong to the world of “having” which many times contradicts the world of “being”, but experience teaches us that many times, we are engrossed in the world of “having”. The world of “being” refers to ours spiritual needs, while that of “having”, to our material needs. The crucial question is: how can we be more spiritual in this world glutted by greed for material possessions and well- being? Do we need to lose some of our physical qualities like our eyes and feet in order to understand their importance?

Three Filters

A disciple arrived hurriedly to the house of Socrates and began to talk this way:

          “Teacher, I want to tell you how your friend had been speaking badly about you.”

          Socrates interrupted saying”

          “Wait, did you already pour what you have to say to me through the three filters?”

          “The three filters? What do you mean to say?”

          “Yes,” Socrates replied. “Did you already examine carefully if what you say is CERTAIN?”

          “No, I just heard of it from some neighbors.”

          “But at least you would have passed it through the second filter which is goodness. What you will say to me is GOOD?”

          “No, in reality no, it is the contrary.”

          “Ah!” Socrates interrupted, “then we are going for the last filter. Is this what you have to say a NECESSARY thing?”

          “To be sincere to you, no, it is not necessary.”

          “Then,” the wise men smiled. “If it is not CERTAIN or GOOD or NECESSARY, it is better that you forget about it.”

Confessions

I love those people who underestimate my capabilities.
They make me do more.
I love those people who hate my guts.
They fuel my confidence.
I love those people who have prejudices against me.
They encourage me to prove them wrong.
I love those people who gave me all sorts of criticism.
They make me a better person.
I love those people who see me as inferior.
They pressure me to become superior.
I love those people who discourage me.
They nurture my perseverance.
I love those people who live in hypocrisy.
They make me strive more to live with the truth.
I love those people who condemn me.
They force me to show that I'm not worth condemning.
I love those people who are eager to put me in the dark.
They ignite my desire to prevail.
And finally, I love those people who hate me for simply being me.
They make me LOVE myself MORE.

This is a poem written by Arvee Marie T. Arroyo, RN. ...The woman I truly love and I will love forever... I saw this while doing a Google search  of her name... I Love the Way she writes... She has hidden talents in poetry... I didn't know that my baby is a poet in some way...

Meet Me Half Way by arthemismax.tumblr.com

Let me repost this blog write-up by a friends of mine... I really love the content... Your a brilliant writer dude... May http://arthemismax.tumblr.com allow me to repost this in my blog...thanks...

Meet Me Half Way
Meet me halfway like how night turns to day. Walk towards me like how I’m walking towards you. The distance between us seemed but a mile. But if you start off from your side while I start off from mine, we’d find each other sooner than we think.

Traveling alone won’t be much of a burden. Our thoughts are secure knowing that we both chose to trek the solitary path, ever-guided by our hearts’ call, to be with one another at the end of the journey.
Meet me halfway. A candle, a torch or a lamp post burns to light our way, but our desire to see each other clears the road of any fear of losing our way. Sun, moon and stars all shine so bright, but the gleam that we see in each other’s eyes is what even time and space could never place us apart.

Meet me halfway; continue to follow the trail we agreed to take. We will encounter temptations as we go along, but we trust in each other to never be swayed or get strayed. Our senses will be enticed, but our longing for each other’s company will lure us back to the right direction.

Our trip will be weary; ever-tiring and lonesome. We would need to rest. Often, we’d lose heart in continuing and find places to ease our worn-out spirits. So we take time to eat, sleep, quench; and then the journey continues on.
The voyage will be full of the unexpected, but we both expect each other to pack ready. We will only carry what is necessary; leaving things that would remind us of where we’ve been or where we’ve each planned to go. Because when we held each other, neither the past nor the future is significant; only the present remains important.

We would lose touch and contact for a while. In losing time to talk we might lose our urge to drive on. So we meet people to fill these holes, ever-thankful for their words of comfort, yet ever-mindful how irreplaceable our conversations are.

As we longed for each other’s company, we might meet people who’d replace our longings with promises similarly valiant and noble. They’d douse our yearning for each other with their own. They might fill our gaps and we might fell in love, too. They’d substitute our hopes with their reality, but they could never recreate nor replicate our love, the chances we took for each other and our promise to meet each other halfway.
Meet me halfway. When I start this winding endeavor, I’ll tag your name in my chest and call your name and sing our songs along the way. And when I finally reach you, I’ll hold in my arms and kiss you with my eyes closed, feeling every bit of sadness flow away.

Meet me halfway. I’ll take this course of no return, believing as much as you believe that we’ll be together when it ends. Meet me halfway, but right now, we could start off as friends.
Posted on

When you thought everything is fine

F**k! I made a mistake! I screwed up this time. I shouldn’t have done that. I was so stupid doing it.

Words of regret follow after when you thought everything is full of bliss, but then turned to be another unfortunate event. I made another mistake this time, which I say, indeed a real act of stupidity. Everything between us was so peaceful and full of love, when I made something that turned this happiness into something lurid. “I shouldn’t have done that…” my very words of regret after my apology wasn’t accepted. I can’t blame her. It’s my entire fault. I shouldn’t have myself driven into temptation by touching what she said to be her personal. And if I discovered something, I should have kept it in myself. However, the damage has been done. I may have my own reasons why I have done it in the first place, but those reasons can’t support the very fact that I totally screw up and everything is a regretful act. How can I fix this? I don’t know. I’m a kind of guy who’s full of wit to everything. I know how to construct and I also know the best and possible way to destruct. But in this case however, I’m hopeless. Maybe because of anger, I did it. Yes, I have a vengeful soul. My spirit doesn’t rest to those I abhor. It bawls for revenge and all I can think of is getting back what you owe me. Do I regret that I have this vengeful character? No, never. But I do regret that what I did was wrong, and it turned out to be a loss. I can’t lie. I can’t keep hatred just in myself. I need to express it. I need to let it go, for hatred is the thing that I know that could destroy me. But I have no more reasons why I should say what I did is right. I accept to be stand corrected. I accept my punishment.

In some other way, I’m glad. This unfortunate event may bring grief but at least I could keep my head up. I may be disrespectful towards personal treasures, but it is because I created protection. I may hurt feelings, but at least I have kept fidelity. Great men make serious mistakes. Great men screwed up big time. Great men are always imperfect. That’s why they became great. By their stupidly, mistakes, errors, flaws, imperfection, malevolent decisions; they took time, to stop, be quiet, sit down, think, ponder, pray, regret, reconcile, feel guilty, do penance, and make it right. But the least I can say now is: “I’m sorry for doing it.”

**********************************************

What happened doesn’t mean that the other entity won this battle. I may have lost the fight this time but the war hasn’t ended and I’m not yet defeated. What happened is a lesson learned, but not a lesson taught on how to bow down. This will never make me a weaker man, for this will surely transform me to a greater being fit to be one of the gods of men….